Slippery Slope of Infidelity

Last night I had the pleasure of having dinner with two very beautiful, very married women. During the course of our conversation, we started talking about the infidelity of Mayor Gavin Newsome and former President Bill Clinton. Both were somewhat nonchalant about it which I found and still find kind of strange. I didn't make an issue about it except to say that Newsome was a scumbag for betraying his friend and Clinton lost my respect for his transparent lie, but there's something more fundamental at stake and I kept my mouth shut about it.

I was having a very pleasant evening and i think I was charmed into silence which I'm kind of embarrassed about. I try to be above that kind of thing, you know? To treat everyone equally on the weight of their argument, regardless of their charm or beauty. My intellectual integrity has suffered a blow. Nonetheless, I will press on here where I am safe from their charms.

Fidelity matters to me. Not necessarily my partner's-- I have no control over that-- but my own and for my own reasons. To my mind, there are two types of men. Those that take their oaths seriously and those that do not. If a man makes an oath in front of friends, loved ones and his God, yet does not take it seriously, how can I trust in situations where his life might be at stake. A man who will choose his own pleasure over his oath will invariably choose his life over his duty.I'm not even comfortable doing business with such a man. If he can so easily betray the one he is supposed to love above all, how can I possibly trust him to be a good business partner?

I've written earlier about my feelings regarding Newsome's loathsome actions. I'll not reiterate it here except to say that there would be serious consequences for any friend who betrayed me in such a manner. A man who doesn't understand this most basic tenet of the guy code is simply not a man.

Finally, I would like to say that when women forgive President Clinton and Mayor Newsome for infidelity, they are only excusing it in their own lives. If you tolerate this kind of behavior, you can hardly complain when it visits you.

Blessed

This past week, I was lucky to be able to spend time with two of my very close friends who were in town visiting. They are a recently married couple and seem to be going through none of the dreaded so-called "period of adjustment" that the rest of my newly married friends seem to be experiencing. I could go on to extol their virtues ad infinitum but rather embarrass all of us with some MEGO (My Eyes Glaze Over) piece of purple prose, I thought I'd just say how grateful I am to have them in my life.

Without question, they have been there for me when I have needed them. But it's more than that. Having them as friends make me a better person because I want them to be as proud of me as I am of them. I think that this should be my standard of who I want to have in my life.

On a side note, I just have to say that pretty much every woman whom I respect in the world as a capable player, I've met through Allison. And I've met an awful lot of when in my life in all kinds of fields. She has the uncanny ability of surrounding herself with first-rate women. Uniformly across the board, I have been impressed and the latest person she introduced me to is no different. But the men? That's a different story. Outside of her husband and her father (whom I love dearly), every other man she's introduced me to has been either a poofter or competitive with me to the point of absurdity. We talked about this and came to no conclusions.

I wish they lived closer to me so that I might see them more often. Whenever I see them or even think of them, I think my injury is the best thing that ever happened to me for without it, I would have never had the chance to have these wonderful people in my life. That's why for all my failings, I still feel like God's favorite son. Whatever good has been taken away has been replaced by blessings immeasurable.

It's like Martial Arts!

Faith has long been an issue in my life. I speak of "Faith" with a capital "F". I've never been one with much of it in general. I need proof for everything which has made me successful in my general endeavors but woefully, catastrophically miserable in my relationships. After all, faith is the sine qua non of love. No person will ever be able to show you beyond a doubt that they love you. You just have to accept it. But that's not where I'm going here.

I've always thought of religious faith as a binary operation. You either have it or you don't. But recently, I've amended this thinking. I think religious faith is more like skill in the martial arts. Big shock, huh? People often say to me that they would like to learn one thing that will always work so they might be able to defend themselves. If that one thing existed, why would I have spent 31 years of my life studying the craft? I could have just practiced that one thing. True, I can distill practical self-defense in a couple of very basic moves but there is no way I can pass on the experience, the very judgement of how and when and to what degree to use those moves. Elegance in martial arts isn't demonstrative. It's that subtle shifting of your body that prompts your opponent not to attack or if he must, to attack you in a manner of your choosing. The fact of the matter is that I get better at fighting the more I train. To some extent, I could always fight. I wasn't one of those kids who came to the Arts because he got beat up in school. No, I wanted to fight bigger, tougher guys so I trained. I'm certainly not the fighter I was when I was 26 but I get into much less trouble now (thankfully). The point being that this is a constant struggle where my understanding changes and deepens on a daily basis. There are many epiphanies along the way but I would never say for a second that I understand all the martial arts have to offer. It's simply too rich of a subject.

I think religious faith is like that. I'm not trying to get a black belt. I just have to work and struggle and engage daily with the training so that I might find the Truth. The more I learn about the Catholics, the more I like them. Not my parishoners per se, but the priest and the parish staff-- all of whom I find to be incredibly learned.

The thing is, religious thought evolves like martial thought. It has to adapt to reality to be valid. Otherwise, we're just doing a dance. And I don't dance.

RCAA Day2

Tonight was my second night at what Catholics call their RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation Adults). I've committed to giving it an honest try for at least 8 weeks before making any decision on whether or not to continue. I must say that I'm very impressed with the general academic rigor and scholarly aspect of the class. It's a legitimate class and the instructors are all very learned individuals. The first class last week was interesting and this week's was even better. Immediately, an issues rises to the forefront of my mind.

I don't really get the point of this. Why do I care what the Catholic Church thinks about the Immaculate Conception or the Assumption? I mean it's certainly interesting and the part of my mind that devours information like this is definitely satiated but I don't see what this has to do with becoming a better person through your relationship with God. Does knowing some minutiae about what some men decided about the Mother of Christ have anything to do with anything? I don't know.

The other thing that really bugs me is the intellectual level of my fellow students. Tonight, I got a glimpse of why people get so made at Christians when I had a gentleman indignantly tell me that a person couldn't have character without faith. Ridiculous. I also took another person to task about vague comments she was making and another person jumped to her defense by attacking me. Clearly, intellectual integrity is not very important in this group. I don't think there was anything sinister. I just think they didn't have the intellectual horsepower to think at those levels. All of a sudden, I felt like Christopher Hitchens and that's never a good thing!

Trying to shame people in believing something you cannot defend is always a bad idea. Maybe it works for kids but it's stupid with adults and it's particularly stupid with me because I have no shame.

It seems to me that most people are there for fellowship and while that's nice, cupcakes and lousy company aren't particularly motivating to me.

So what's the upside? I'm not sure yet. I do enjoy going because I like the intellectual challenge. I also like dispelling a lot of the misinformation I've gotten about the Catholic Church. I'll keep you informed.