Shaking Hands with the Wookie

I've been told that my banter ability is markedly substandard. Mea Culpa. I pray to Zeus that my seriousness is not intellectual pretension which in fact, masks a nominal cognitive ability. I don't think I could live that down. I'm inclined to think not for the sake of my ego but in my defense, I really do stay awake at night and wonder how we in the United States can be so dominated by the philosophy of a man when there is no record of his actual teachings? I'm talking about Jesus Christ. Why are there no original Aramaic accounts of his words? The first records that we have are in Greek which is a very different language. What's the deal here? Okay, in some cases, it's not really necessary. "Love your neighbor like yourself" is a pretty good idea no matter who said it. But "turn the other cheek?" Did he actually mean to say that? I personally own 4 translations of the Iliad, each trumpeting it's greater accuracy. We can't even get into that discussion about the Gospel of Christ because there's no orginal standard except the Greek which is a translation itself! Poor translation is the root of much silliness such as the virgin birth. Peter and Paul's insistence of a virgin birth was motivated by a mis-translation of Hebrew. Mark speaks nothing about it. Neither does Thomas. I say this with all seriousness- how can I receive the soothing balm of Faith when there are just so many inconsistencies? Will I subjugate myself to sloppy thinking? I cannot, in good conscience do so.

So instead, dear reader, as a reward for indulging my ecclesiastical rant, I offer you this:

Top 10 Star Wars Fan Euphemisms For Not Having a Girlfriend

10. Camping aloone outside the theater.
9. My force is no longer with me.
8. The Death Star is not yet operational.
7. The Empire's striking out.
6. Shaking hands with the wookie.
5. Darth Vader has no place to put his helmet.
4. Oiling the droid.
3. Unable to set coordinates for the planet Babe.
2. Spending the night with Han Solo.
1. Tractor beam not powerful enough.

Someonce once told me that if it weren't for my dashing good looks and proclivity for activities that may result in my untimely demise, I'd be the world's biggest nerd.


Okay. I added in the "dashing good looks" part. But I can't really argue with the rest of the statement.